One problem I constantly run into when discussing Andy Blake, is that most people don’t understand the sheer SCALE of manipulation we’re actually dealing with. Andy Blake is not just a manipulator; he’s a Master Manipulator.
So, well, since Agentsex so obligingly provided us with a case study, I figured I’d give people a taste of it.
Please note that I’m not saying that my speculations ARE what happened. Of course not: unlike some people, I’ve never claimed to know what other people are thinking.
I’m just giving an idea of what this interview looks like from the point of view of someone who was manipulated by such a Master Manipulator for years. You people don’t have to accept it - but I challenge you to find a better explanation to everything that happens around Andy.
A quick reminder of the setting: Agentsex has offered to interview Andy by phone. She has her computer turned on and available.
WOW. This is a very thorough breakdown of what AB is doing in real time. I’m really impressed.
One thing I’m noticing with this guy (and I’ve only been introduced to the whole sordid saga recently and am not directly involved) is that this guy, like Melissa McEwan, carefully chooses when and how to use swear words as a tactic. He’s trying to sound personable (unlike Melissa) but he’s still throwing in that little bite, that little shock just in the right places to hint at a bad temper he might unleash on the people he’s interacting with if they’re not careful. I find that interesting.
Oy. I don’t know why I have it in my head that making art on the computer is faster than making it on a piece of paper with paint or whatever. This thing is taking ages.
“Developing the ability to piss other people off (or even to RISK pissing them off) without knuckling under is pretty much the Holy Grail of emotionally abused kids, I think. We are programmed to respond at the first sign of displeasure, and we don’t have the faith in ourselves and our decisions to weather the storm– or even a mild sprinkle– so we tend to freak out as if the world was ending if a cloud crosses the sun. We freak out about the possibility that we’re wrong, that we’re doing the wrong things, that we’re making the wrong choices, that we’ll make someone angry, because there’s this awful certainty lurking at the back of our minds that says “If you do the wrong thing, you will be in TROUBLE.” And being in TROUBLE is the worst thing, ever, because that part of our brain is forever three years old where our parents are our whole world and being in TROUBLE is the end of everything.
It takes a lot of practice to gain that sort of gut-level knowledge that we’re strong enough to handle this stuff and that the world doesn’t end if someone else is angry at us. It’s not an innate quality that some people have and some don’t; people who grow up in non-abusive homes learn it when they’re young, is all, and the rest of us have to learn it when we’re grown up. And it sucks, and it’s not fair, and it’s not fun, but there’s no getting around it, and you can do it, you CAN.
You can piss people off.
You can be wrong.
You can fuck up.
You can do stuff that everyone thinks is weird.
AND IT IS ALL OKAY. The world won’t end. You will still be a good person. And the likelihood is that most of the things you do WON’T be wrong, and WON’T piss people off, and WON’T be up-fuckery, and WON’T be weird, but if it is? The hell with it; fix it, if necessary, and move on.”
Just pointing out, for those that don’t know this stuff at a gut level (and lucky you, it means you weren’t abused!) that being in TROUBLE when you have emotionally abusive parents is a threat to survival in a very real way that that three-year-old of you does not forget.